Saturday, August 30, 2008

its three years since I lost my bro...

My brother who lives within me...I remember his birth, we were at Shantanu's(my childhood friend) place since ma was in the nursing home...baba called up in the wee hours of the morning to tell us that Ranu( my mother) has got a son! He was very clear on the fact that we could go to see the baby only in the evening after school. I was far to excited to attend class with full concentration that day. Before baba could return from office, I was dressed in my finest party frock, a pink lace dress that I guarded like a secret treasure. Baba laughed at my excitement and I was indignant, was it really any less than a party to go to see my new little bro?
He was the most beautiful baby ever, this I say even now. They say a mother finds her own child the most beautiful, when my son was born and I first set my eyes on him, the first thoughts that came to my mind was that he was not as beautiful as my brother. By the end of the evening, my pink lace dress was dripping wet, the baby had chosen to wet my lap all three times that I attempted to carry him! From then on, my biggest delight was to carry my baby brother. Ma had set a stringent rule, no carrying baby unless homework is done. It was hard to believe how this prankster of a girl needed no more motivation and at the end of the term, I stood II in class as opposed to the previous term when I had stood XVII!
Gopal(thats what we called my bro at home) and I grew up with a gaping seven year gap that seemed to widen each day. I was extremely bossy, hated the fact that he slept beside mom, disliked it even more that that I had lost all my importance at home and thus may have in some silly way even shown my favorite emotion- Jealousy. But funnily, when Gopal was im trouble, take for instance, he lost his Chemistry note book one day before submission, and while Gopal happily slept, I burnt the night oil and the note was ready to be submitted on time. His friends used to be petrified of me, for if they fought with Gopal or didnot allow him to bat, and I got wind of it, it would be their worst day...
He didn't attend my marriage, in all probability we may have had a fight just before the ceremony, that was the extent to which we could hate each other...I reached my maternal home on the last month of my pregnancy. Gopal would come back from office everyday with something that I liked to eat. From the day Pablo(my son) was born, Gopal's life kind of changed. He would come home straight from work and spend time with the baby and me. He named my son Abhimanue( with its quaint spelling), a name he had wanted to name his own son. He would tell me later, this is my son, see how proud he will make us...I will realize my dreams through him, he would say again and again.
Gopal came to stay with us when we first came to Mumbai,and I didnot like it much. He was an even more difficult person to handle now and often we would have major quarrels. He went on to live in Mumbai till 2001, when he decided to to take up a job offer in Bangalore. Our visits to Bangalore during his stay there were memorable. On one occasion he took us to Mysore and how we enjoyed ourselves!Our fights were a constant source of delight to my son who always took sides with his mama to irritate me. Gopal decided to move back to mumbai in 2003 with a plush job in LOWE Lintas.he worked in Mumbai only for a year and a half, before cruel fate took him away from us. The last leg of his time with us,we were more close than ever, he would look up to me always, his eyes would say "I am safe when Jolly is around". I was on an assignment to Jordan when the floods happened In Mumbai. Gopal was caught up in the rains. Later he described to me how much he enjoyed holding hands with total strangers and walking home through neck deep waters sometimes. He told me about boys swimming up to them and stuffing wada pav into their mouths since they were all holding hands. This he found to be very endearing. He didnt last too long after the floods. He contracted meningitis. and all of a sudden he was no more. Today it is 3 years since I lost my bro...his childhood pictures flood my mind and tears blur my eyes as I share this blog with u...

5 comments:

spicymist said...

ouch that must be horrible. i have a younger bro too. n just like you i hate him in jealousy but i guess i love him the most too.

Jolly said...

yes, it is the most painful experience of my life, he loved me to distraction, was possessive about me to the extent that he would be jealous of my husband and son! Miss him so much...life is not the same without him

Unknown said...

Man, I really don't know what to say.

May he Rest in peace.

Brat said...

i have an elder sis too..n i cant think anything beyond her...even i have lost loved ones ...n its a horrible feeling....

Hep Joan said...

I don't want to experience this pain. Really.